A knee-length coat with a dodgy zip is a rare sight in North London these days. A stalwart of the streets of Highbury for so long, Arsene Wenger has only returned to the Emirates once since his departure back in 2018. With the Frenchman gaining a reputation for his cool, calm and collected persona whilst laying the foundations of the youthful table toppers of today, it’s easy to forget his involvement in some truly majestic moments of madness. So, from feuds with fellow gaffers to assaulting water bottles, here are a few of the times that Arsene was unequivocally Arsene.
Wenger vs Pardew
“I did not see it.” Once Arsene’s go-to response after a controversial refereeing decision in Arsenal’s favour, it may now well be the answer many of the new general of fans would say if you asked them about the 2006 ‘Clash of the Titans’. Yes, that’s right, Arsene Wenger vs Alan Pardew.
A fiery 1-0 victory for West Ham at Upton Park was overshadowed by the rare sight of the Arsenal boss losing his rag. In fairness, Hammers’ right back Jonathon Spector avoided a stonewall red card that would have only taken about five minutes to be awarded if VAR had been around. Numerous other decisions went against the Gunners as they attempted to break the deadlock, but it was on the sidelines that chaos ensued following a late Marlon Harewood winner.
Alan Pardew, in very typical fashion, celebrated with some in-your-face fist-pumping which lead to handbags galore, and the pair refusing to shake hands on the final whistle. Pardew’s wind-up mission was complete. The only thing missing was a dad dance.
Losing His Bottle
Manchester United vs Arsenal. At Old Trafford. Sir Alex vs Arsene. Expect fireworks… Or flying bottles at the very least. In this 2009 early season encounter, the Gunners are 2-1 down in the last minute when Robin van Persie prods home an unlikely equaliser. Wenger suitably runs off celebrating, before the agony of a late offside flag chalks the goal off.
He then does what all managers must simply dream of doing in such a situation; volleying the fuck out of a plastic bottle, sending it flying into the air, with the ever-present Mike Dean all too happy to send him… errr… somewhere. Anywhere will do.
With just thirty seconds of the match left, Wenger later explained that he “didn’t know where to go”. He ended up on a balcony where gleeful United fans taunt him, his arms outstretched in a pose described as ‘biblical’ on Match of the Day 2 that night. He still needs a statue after all…
The Sequel
Fast forward a year, and Premier League bottles must have been wondering exactly what they’d done to offend Arsene, as Le Boss was back at it again in 2010. This time, you feel it was more warranted. Arsenal had led Harry Redknapp’s Spurs side 2-0 at the break, thanks to goals from Samir Nasri and (remarkably) Marouane Chamakh, before managing to lose 3-2, with a late Younes Kaboul winner sealing Arsenal’s fate – a first home loss against their North London rivals in seventeen years. Mid-slip, he chucks the bottle first, and then the lid for good measure, leaving us all eagerly anticipating a trilogy.
“Kolo… Kolo, Kolo…”
Ray Parlour, The Romford Pele, recently revealed an anecdote on TalkSport which might sum up Arsene best. Before a long career, which most recently saw him sacked as Wigan boss, Kolo Toure arrived at London Colney back in 2002 for a trial game. He’s put straight in against Thierry Henry and Dennis Bergkamp; easy stuff. No one apart from Kolo could expect what was to come though, as he smashed through both superstars in a matter of minutes – a move that would’ve sent Twitter of today into meltdown.
“How can we win the league if a trialist has taken our two best players out?” exclaims our Cobra-bombing hero Parlour. But that was just the beginning.
A loose ball flies through the air, straight to the feet of Arsene Wenger. You can probably guess what happens next. Kolo clatters him, sending the stricken gaffer limping off to the medical room. Arsene’s action for the reckless trialist?
“I like his desire, we’ll sign him tomorrow!”
He Said What?
Many of us, particularly fellow Arsenal fans, will remember where we were on April 20th 2018 when the Frenchman announced that he would resign at the end of the season. What may have been forgotten however are some of his most iconic quotes, and after being at the Arsenal helm for twenty-two years, there’s quite a few.
Flashback to 1996, and his first press conference as gaffer, and Wenger immediately endeared himself to Gunners around the globe. “I tried to watch the Tottenham match on television in my hotel yesterday, but I fell asleep.” Some things never change.
The verbal and physical battles he enjoyed with Jose Mourinho could fill a book on their own. When ‘The Special One’ labelled Wenger a ‘voyeur’ in 2005, claiming that he should focus on his own team instead of Chelsea, Arsene responded by saying “he’s out of order, disconnected with reality and disrespectful. When you give success to stupid people, it makes them more stupid sometimes and not more intelligent.”
Ouch.
Speaking of intelligence, it’s funny that despite his Masters’ degree in economics, ‘Le Professeur’ occasionally got his maths mixed up. “Of the nine red cards this season we probably deserved half of them.”
Finally, when reflecting on his seventeen trophies and four hundred and seventy-six Premier League wins as Gunners’ boss, he spoke of the advice he would give to his younger self.
“Just try to give your best and try to be better tomorrow than yesterday.”
Merci, Arsene.
Charlie Baker (Twitter: @charlieb_27)